if we were in vegas- we'd put our money on it!!

So the topic of other children often comes up, & I sometime think people are afraid to ask me, they might think its too soon or that im not ready to talk about. Well i am, its the main thing on my mind, how to grow my family. This is not the way we hoped or dreamed it to be, but God, Clayton & us did not want our family to start & end this way. Since the beginning i have been researching my tail off about Myotubular Myopathy and our future children options. As a carrier of Myotubular Myopathy (MTM) I have a 50% chance of each sex having the disease,  but 75 % of a healthy, living, breathing, striving child.(granted nothing else goes wrong, but thats a whole other blog)   During my early stages of research I was told that 50/50 was our chances, but after doing a little soul searching we realized that yes a girl could be a carrier, but the disease would not affect her quality of life. yes she would be a carrier, but she would be like me, & whats wrong with me ( ha ha I bet marcus could beg to differ) so realistically we have 75% chance, & like my doctor said, if this was Vegas, we'd put our money on that! So the route of getting pregnant naturally, just like most of you & then waiting for CVS testing to tell us if the baby is affected. That has been the route we think is right for us. Not to say that we dont think its going to be the most mentally draining and trying time in our lives.  I read a wonderful quote one time and it said,

and thats what I have to remember. This life hasn't been easy, although there are definitely days I just pray for it to be easy! while talking with Marcus the other night, I asked why this has to be so hard, he said, "cause we can handle it! plus what fun is life if its easy!?" I thought about that, he's right, but you know, sometime i just wish it were a little easier! just for a moment!
 This isn't the life I dreamed of having, but its the life I have been given, so I better make the best of what I have. Because really somewhere, somehow, someone has it worse than me.  So I am grateful for what I have. I am grateful for the ability to grow my family, as difficult as it might be, I still have that gift!
Yes the days of, I wish this wasn't me, or why can't i just get what they have; play through my mind & for a moment I believe them & let them take over, but then Marcus reminds me, it will work out for us, we will get what we want, this will NOT defeat us. This is not the way the story will end.
When I hear an announcement of pregnancy, or see a newborn baby, I know in my heart, that will be us someday & we will have what we deserve, maybe not when we want to, but when GOD wants us to.

so until then, I hold out hope, remember the wonderful son I DO have & trust that God wants us to have a happy ending!

make today a beautiful day, if not for you, for someone else! XOXO