He is the reason for the beautiful life

I have been living a lot in my memories of Clayton lately. I miss him more & more, the pain doesn't ever go away. Especially since miss Kendall has arrived. If anything it's worse, because I am aware of all that we have missed with Clayton. A lot of memories have come back as I look at his little sister Kendall, I am in awww over how much they look alike! I often wonder if he would have acted like her, the funny faces and expressions with the little bit of sassiness at times, or when she's super smiley and happy to see you come morning,   As I look at Kendall, I am reminded of her big brother so much. When I'm up at night nursing her, I think about him and how I never got to experience so much with him. It something just really hard to take. I lost our future with him. I know that it was in God's plan, but WOW is it still hard to swallow. It's hard, hard to be so very happy that you have a healthy beautiful daughter, but on the other hand, you lost your infant son, just 1 short year ago. . There are a lot of mixed emotions and feelings. & trying to find a balance is what im trying to put a handle on. I love Kendall so much and couldn't imagine our lives without her, so I am thankful for that & I am thankful for Clayton who allowed us to be his parents, showing us the meaning of life & true love. For he is the reason for the beautiful life we have today. That is something that can never be taken away.Kendall is such a beautiful gift, but I know it will never replace Clayton, or even come close. It will hopefully help mend my heart, but it will never fix it.

I miss you little buddy- XOXO