October- infant loss month

Not saying there needs to be a special month that I think about the loss of Clayton, because really it's on my mind every moment of every day. But I think it's a wonderful chance to think of Clayton and all the other little ones that never got to grow up in their loving home.

Over the last, 17 months, I have come to meet many parents that, like us, unfortunately know the devastating feeling of loosing their babies. It's a group I can't say I wanted to belong to, but one I am so very thankful I do.It's this incredible feeling of belonging and acceptance and knowing that they "GET IT" without me having to say anything. It's very hard to explain why my heart will forever be broken. People look to me and think, she should be ok now, she has Kendall. Yes, I am doing much much better and am so very happy and blessed. but I still have a hole, that will NEVER go away. My Son is never coming back, and that's a hard pill to swallow. I try very hard not to be angry or jealous of others who just get the "golden ticket" in life, the ones that get everything perfect with no worries. But sometimes it's hard.....

So this month, I make it my hearts path, to think of everyone I have come to know after the loss of their children. & I also think about all the joy and blessings they have had in their lives after their children went to heaven, it's breathtaking really. I am thankful for them & for their heartache, for their suffering has helped me heal my broken heart.

Thinking of sweet babies; Clayton, Grace, Landon, Jaxson, Benjamin, Nora, Brynley, & Cole
may you smile & dance in heaven as we would be doing here on earth.

I am grateful for my life, I hope that you are for yours.