Celebrating our Rainbow baby Kendall with her big brother by our sides

Sorry I have neglected to blog lately. Life has slowly gotten in the way again. I find myself thinking about blogging in the morning while driving to work & in the evening when im struggling to keep my eyes open after Kendall is in bed. So for the last few weeks I've been really meaning to.

I've had a lot of emotions surfacing the last few months. The spring always brings back so much for me. The smell and the feeling triggers my memories from 2 years ago, like it was yesterday. The feeling in the air, the smell of our cold basement, the excitement with the weather turning nice. This year is so much different than the last 2 previous years. For the first time, I'm not pregnant. I miss that part, but I don't miss the the anxiety I had this time last year.

It's hard to think that 2 years has come and gone and I'm still standing. I mean I knew in my heart I'd survive, but I'm a little surprised that it's gone so quickly. Here we are about to celebrate Kendall's 1st birthday, and I'm still having flash backs of the NICU with Clayton. I think about the first time I saw him, about all the time we spent by his side at the University and the last time I held him and told him I loved him. I think about all this like it was just yesterday. I am so grateful I haven't forgotten a moment or a feeling, but I still wish things could have been different. I miss him so much. With this time of year, I'm just reminded of what our life has been and is. We will for always be parents to 2 children, one who is living his life in heaven and one who is here with us, about ready to turn one! I am so proud that I can say that, but sad at the same time.

A lot of people say when loosing a child, time will help heal the pain. I was a believer in this, however this , Clayton's 2nd birthday is harder. I have Kendall here to remind me what Clayton didn't get to do. I'm so grateful & blessed to have her as my daughter. Looking forward to watching her grow & learn everyday. But that really doesn't stop me from missing my son. I wish he could have been here to celebrate with us, but I know he'll be here in spirit.

Saturday Kendall turns 1. Really can't belive that either. Im sad that she's no longer a itty bitty baby, but excited to watch the little person she is becoming. There is not a moment that goes by that I'm not grateful for what I've been given. I know how blessed I am. I am lucky enough to have 2 beautiful children, one just happens to be in heaven.

So as we celebrate Kendall's 1st birthday, I know Clayton will be here right beside us celebrating the RAINBOW we've been blessed with.

Happy 1st Birthday Kendall Marie- We love you so very much.
XOXO