Happy 6 month birthday little man

Happy 6 month birthday Clayton Michael Henning!

Where in the heck did 6 months go? Oh how I have missed Clayton. The last week it's really been getting to me, the fact that we're not watching him grown, keeping "everything" out of his mouth, watching him learn to crawl, kissing his sweet face & watching him gaze at the christmas decorations. I am just realizing he's not here, I mean I knew, but it's just been hard lately.  I think so much of it has to do with the wonderful blessing we've been given, expecting his little sister. We are so over the moon excited about it, but part of me just feels guilty & sad for Clayton. I wanted to raise him. I know that he wanted this for us & I am so incredibly grateful for that, It's just hard. It's the first major time since Clayton went to heaven, that i've thought about baby stuff.  Which means "his" baby stuff. Some days im ok & I'm thinking about names and such, but others I am just sad for Clayton. It's not fair.

I know I'll be ok, but for now I just want my moment to miss him & be sad for what were missing out on with him.

Tomorrow I have my 15 week maternity check with Doc. Jen, I'm really looking forward to it! There are just certain people in my life, that always have the right words to say. I am again so very thankful for the wonderful people in our lives, that just know when & what to say. When you loose a child, no one has written a book on how to deal with it, but I feel like a lot of the chapters come from your friends & family who always know the right things to say. So thanks!

I also want to apologise for the lack of thankfulness days- It's not that I'm not thankful, because I am, i've just had some trying times & I have had a tough time blogging. 

So on today, Clayton's 6month birthday, I am thankful for him- for the picture I have of him with his little foe-hawk & his sea horse, because of that picture, I smile!

  Happy 6 month Birthday Clayton- we love you so very much!