I have been doing a lot of planning and preparation for little miss henning, so I think that is bringing up a lot of emotion & memories. I can't help but think, I was doing the same thing for Clayton a year ago. Designing his nursery, shopping for him, & making plans with him in it. As much as I am so very excited & blessed to be caring little miss henning, I can't help but hesitate to to make plans for her life. Yes I do, but its hard and part of me feels like im jinxing myself. Most of you will never understand this, most of you probably think, im pregnant again, it's all better & she's healthy so I should have nothing to worry about. BUT I will never be ok, I will always be terrified of what could happen because I am one of the "un-lucky" ones who knows all to well what can go wrong and that anything can happen. I will never be able to relax and just enjoy. I am incredibly grateful but terrified at the same time. Sure I want to think something wont go wrong, but im realistic. I have tried my best to be grateful & know the gift i have been given of caring this incredibly healthy & special little girl, but I know the reason for her too. Without Clayton, she wouldn't be. She will forever grow up knowing the reason she is here & about her wonderful brother. She is our Rainbow baby.
Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm.
"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
Miss you Clayton Michael- you will forever be our first born & our sweet boy! XOXO
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