In Loving Memory of Clayton

In Loving Memory of Clayton-

The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really are my friend, please don’t keep me from hearing this beautiful music: It soothes my broken heart and fills my soul with love.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Clayton will choose

Clayton would be a little over 10 months old, I'm a little bit in shock over how fast the last year has gone. Lately I have been thinking a lot about him & the wonderful 26 days we had with him. As the due date of his little sister gets closer and closer, I think about how things will go this time. It's hard to think about sometimes, the nightmare we survived. I pray things go smoothly this time, I have faith they will & I know that Clayton will be there by our side.

 Over the last 10 months I really haven't thought a lot about specific moments we had, but lately i have. I am so very thankful for the times we did have, yet I'm sad for the moments we didnt get. I'm sad that he never came home and got to see the beautiful room & stuff we had for him, Im sad he never got to meet his puppy. I'm sad he didn't get to grow up. But I have to remember, that just wasnt in God's plan for him. I am happy that he is at peace & free from pain & suffering. I am happy he is in heaven, I am happy he has such wonderful people to take care of him & Im happy he is my son.

During the next month & 1/2, I'm going to let the emotions and feelings come as they may. I can't predict how things will go, although the "planner" that i am, it's hard to let go, but I know Clayton & God will make sure things are taken care of. Remembering  back when Clayton was sick and I was trying to predict how he'd pass & when it would be, I remember someone saying, "Clayton will do what you want him to, he will go when he feels he should & he will have the people who love him, around him." He sure did, he passed peacefully in our arms & that was all I had dreamed of. So as I look upon the pending month, I know in my heart Clayton will be there to guide us and make everything ok. He will choose when his little sister is born & he will choose how it will go. I am thankful for that, It's just another gift Clayton has given us & I can't wait to celebrate that.

Love you little man- XOXO
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2 comments:

  1. MirandaApril 11, 2012 at 9:10 AM

    Your posts always make me cry. I think because I just relate so well to them. Lately, I cannot stop thinking about the day Grace died and the days leading up to it. In my heart, I know she was preparing for it days ahead of time. She knew what was going to happen even though we didn't and it's truly hard to swallow some days, knowing there was nothing I could do, she had already chosen her path. Thinking of you, always and hoping for peaceful days for you in these last few weeks leading up to Lil Miss Hennings arrival and Claytons birthday as well.

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  2. AnonymousApril 13, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    This post made me cry too but in a happy way! I am praying for a wonderfully normal and healthy delivery for baby girl Henning. I am sure that Clayton will be there to welcome his baby sister into the world. ~Allison

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