I'm thankful for you

I am most thankful for the people in my life, who have been there, no matter what.

Even when they don't have to



hand embossing-Marcus,Clayton & Mine-(had to do it in hawkeye colors)
this is Marcus' favorite memory/keepsake

 

We have so many wonderful memories. The ones that mean the most aren't the physical items, they are the beautiful words, LOVE & support from all of you. We couldn't have gotten through without everyone. We also couldn't continue to do ok without you still. There are still moments when I'm just having a bad day, or a moment. And someone emails me, or text me and I remember that, yes we will be ok. It doesn't have to be hard all the time. So I thank you again for continuing to support us. Clayton's life & death wont ever go away, so knowing you all remember it as much as we do, warms my heart and means more to us then you all will ever know.

Through everything, the things the comfort me the most, are the moments I feel, deep down to my core, that people get it, really get it. Thank Goodness most of you, dont really get it. Sadly some of you do. As much as I wish that no one else would have to know the excruciating pain of loosing a child. I am thankful for you who have, because your thoughts and experiences have made me not feel so alone. The relationships I have with these people will be cherished for the rest of my life, and I thank God & Clayton for allowing us to meet these people. A very special person in our lives sent me this poem, she knows from experience the pain. I am in awww of her courage and grace.

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"I lend you for a little time, a child of mine", He said.

For you to love, the time he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.

It may be for six or seven months, or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He will bring his smile to gladden you, and should his stay be brief...

You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I can not promise he will stay, since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught there I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over, in my search for teachers true,

and from the throngs that crown life's lanes, I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate Me when I come to call, to take him back again?

 I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done."

For all the joy thy child will bring, the risk of grief will run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,

and for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call him, much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand"

As I read this, tears streaming down my face and clouding my vision, I wasn't just sad for me, I was sad for her. She lost her first son too, and it wasn't fair.

Another amazing friend who knows all to well the devastating loss, not once, but twice, sent me a message with this-

there are no words ...
the pain and hurt are too intense for words to describe ...
no words to describe the love and completeness Clayton brought to your life ...
no words to describe the immense void and loneliness that now remains...
no words to make it better .. 

In the many messages she sends me, I feel likes it me talking to myself. She gets it, she really gets it. I'm sad for that too because I wish she & others didn't have to get it like we do. Someone once told me, that there's this group we all belong to. No one really wants to belong, but we can't ever get out.  It happens when you loose a child, You all "just get it"

So as I close this out, I want to express my deepest gratitude to everyone, for their continued Love & support. This isn't just something that happened, or does it ever go away, but I thank you for being there, just because you want to.

XOXO