As many of you know, Marcus & I are huge Hawks fans! This Saturday is the kick off of Iowa Football season! Normally I can't contain myself with excitement, but this year just feels a little different. I just can't help focusing on what "should have been" I know I talk about this a lot, but its just been so strong and overwhelming lately. I know a lot has to do with because Clayton would be 3months old, and I just am imagining the boy he would have been, and that's hard.
Clayton would have been all decked out in his black & gold. The boy had a closet FULL of hawks clothes! Christ, I had hawks outfits for when he was 2! I was obsessed with buying Hawkeye stuff for him. So I think that's why this season is just going to be different. It's not what is was "supposed to be".
but on the other hand, he's still a little hawkeye. In his short 26 days, Clayton sported his hawkeye stuff almost every day! Whether it were his hawkeye bedding, socks, onesie or blankie, the boy was supporting his team! Some of the most favorite pictures I have of him are Hawks ones! He was a hawkeye that's for sure!
I will never forget the saying, "once a hawkeye, always a hawkeye" which was from our nurse Bridgett. After Clayton had passed & Bridgett was preparing him. She brought in a clean Hawkeye blankie and said she was going to wrap him in that, she said, because"once a hawkeye, always a hawkeye." I will never forget that feeling. Everyone in the room cheered! He was our little hawkeye, always.... At Clayton's funeral service, Noelle our Chaplin talked about how much Clayton was a Hawkeye and how he coached us along the way & how fitting that he was in the U of I hospitals, right by his beloved stadium! This was So true!
This year's football season may not be the same, but I hold onto the fact that Clayton is cheering on the hawkeye's in heaven, in his Black & Gold. GO HAWKS! XOXO
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you have shared and continue to. I know personally that it can be so helpful to be able to just say "I'm struggling today" and let others support you, or just be where your thoughts and feelings are at the time.
ReplyDeleteYour posts reminded me of a quote I keep above my desk: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."
XO, Peggy
Are you listening to the game today? It's like it's dedicated to Clayton! I've heard "Once a Hawkeye, always a Hawkeye" so many times and I swear I've never heard that before during a game! Making me think of the 3 of you. Hope you're having a good day! Hugs~~xoxox Jill
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