you can't take that away from me

Today, as I drove down the same streets I have for 14 months now on my way to the University of Iowa hospitals and clinics. I was struck-en with some unforeseen grief. I was remembering every morning Marcus & I made the journey to iowa city to be with Clayton, and now here I was 14 months later, driving Kendall to her 2 month doctor appointment. I was in shock, I have done such a good job of handling my grief and for this moment I couldn't. I missed Clayton, and part of me was angry we weren't going to the doctor for him. Yes I am so thankful I have Kendall, but for that moment I just wanted Clayton back!  Lately I have been seeing a lot of babies, pregnant ladies and hearing people talk about if they are having a boy or a girl, someone saw kendall and said to me, "oh boys,ahhh, I'd love to have a girl" all I said was, " yeah she's great, but boys are great too." I walked away thinking, what i wouldn't give to have my boy back! I just wanted to tell her, be grateful for what you have, not all of us are that fortunate. I love Kendall to pieces, with everything I have and am, but I just want Clayton back. I just miss him.  I find enormous comfort in the fact that miss Kendall looks so much like him. It's just that little reminder of him that allows me to be ok. When I want to remember his sweet look, she gives me it. Both Kendall & Clayton love/d bath time! So bathtime is enjoyable for all of us! I will never get over loosing Clayton, but I have learned how to deal with it, to go on with life, with a smile on my face and his memory in my heart. He will always be our son, and no one can take that away from us.

We love & miss you Clayton. May you have a wonderful day in heaven with Jaxson & Ben and everyone else we know. We love you.