Happy 3 months Mr. Clayton. Wow what a ride this last 3 months has been. It's so hard to believe he'd be 3 months old today. Some days it feels like yesterday, but most of the time it feels like a lifetime ago. I have been through hell, and I feel like I'm on my way back from there. I have always said how I know we couldn't do this without all of your love & support. And I know I'll have days where, it just plain sucks. Today is kinda one of those days. I am just reminded of what should have been, and I think about how diffrent life would be. However I am always lifted back up from all or you. I was talking with a wonderful friend this morning, just about our weekend, and she gave me this wonderful quote. That is SO true, this is it! Someone gets it!
'Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
I am so honored that people see me this way. I know there are some days I wish I could just give up, but then I'm reminded of why I'm doing this. For the Love of Clayton and all that he was. He was a fighter, the strong one. So if he didnt give up, we surely can't. Life is not easy, nor is it fair, So I must try again tomorrow if im having a rough day today.
This past weekend we were out of town for a good friends' wedding. Marcus was part of the wedding party, So I was throwen in the middle of a new experience with all new people. Not many of which knew our story or where we had been for the last 3 months. It was hard, hard to be away from home, my "safe place", hard to be without people who knew what my heart was dealing with. but just when I thought I was all alone &(handiling it quite well I thought), a loving mother came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry. I just want you to know we've been thinking & praying for you." ok- I lost it, I was caught off guard. Here I was at a wedding and someone was kind enough to just let me know they were thinking of us. I had a few more moments like that over the weekend but overall the weekend was great! Good friends & good times. I was able to forget, maybe only for 5 minutes, but It was the start of putting our lives back together without the "what should have been".
Also while I was back, I was able to go visit a dear friends grave site. Which due to distance I had not visited since her passing. It was an increadiable peaceful feeling. I was excited to go! To talk, to cry, to laugh. With no one there. I asked her to please protect Clayton & to hold him tight & to give him kisses from all of us. I also thanked her, thanked her for being such a good friend and amazing person, that I knew Clayton was safe in her arms. I had loved her here on earth & I knew he was loving her in heaven. God wanted them both of to be in heaven,I just hope some day I'll see why.
So on today, which would have been Clayton's 3 month, I look back and say sometimes life's not fair, but nothing fair, it's what you make of it. I'm thankful for the times when I just have a moment & someone is there to say its ok, you can lean on me.
XOXO
'Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
I am so honored that people see me this way. I know there are some days I wish I could just give up, but then I'm reminded of why I'm doing this. For the Love of Clayton and all that he was. He was a fighter, the strong one. So if he didnt give up, we surely can't. Life is not easy, nor is it fair, So I must try again tomorrow if im having a rough day today.
This past weekend we were out of town for a good friends' wedding. Marcus was part of the wedding party, So I was throwen in the middle of a new experience with all new people. Not many of which knew our story or where we had been for the last 3 months. It was hard, hard to be away from home, my "safe place", hard to be without people who knew what my heart was dealing with. but just when I thought I was all alone &(handiling it quite well I thought), a loving mother came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry. I just want you to know we've been thinking & praying for you." ok- I lost it, I was caught off guard. Here I was at a wedding and someone was kind enough to just let me know they were thinking of us. I had a few more moments like that over the weekend but overall the weekend was great! Good friends & good times. I was able to forget, maybe only for 5 minutes, but It was the start of putting our lives back together without the "what should have been".
Also while I was back, I was able to go visit a dear friends grave site. Which due to distance I had not visited since her passing. It was an increadiable peaceful feeling. I was excited to go! To talk, to cry, to laugh. With no one there. I asked her to please protect Clayton & to hold him tight & to give him kisses from all of us. I also thanked her, thanked her for being such a good friend and amazing person, that I knew Clayton was safe in her arms. I had loved her here on earth & I knew he was loving her in heaven. God wanted them both of to be in heaven,I just hope some day I'll see why.
So on today, which would have been Clayton's 3 month, I look back and say sometimes life's not fair, but nothing fair, it's what you make of it. I'm thankful for the times when I just have a moment & someone is there to say its ok, you can lean on me.
XOXO
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